134 - Douglas Thomas: The Deep Psychology of BDSM and Kink

Jan 4

In this episode of The Sacred Speaks, we explore what it means to embrace the full range of our humanity, including shadow, aggression, sexuality, contradiction, and desire as something that longs to be understood. My guest, Dr. Douglas Thomas, joins me for a wide-ranging and thoughtful conversation about BDSM and kink through the lens of depth psychology. Rather than approaching these practices as pathology or spectacle, Douglas invites us to see them as symbolic, archetypal expressions of the psyche — places where power, surrender, ritual, and imagination reveal what we most often exile from consciousness.

Together, we explore why sexuality and kink function as cultural “third rails,” why moral rigidity so often masks unconscious shadow, and how ordinary people can participate in extraordinary harm when disowned material is projected outward. This conversation moves beyond questions of “good” and “bad” and instead asks what wholeness actually requires of us personally, culturally, and spiritually. At its heart, this episode is an invitation into a more courageous ethic: facing the darkness within so that we reduce hatred, loosen moral certainty, and relate to ourselves and one another with greater honesty, humility, and compassion.

Key Takeaways

Wholeness matters more than appearing morally “good.” Denying our darker impulses fuels projection, rigidity, and violence.

Projection is largely unconscious, which is why “ordinary” people can participate in extraordinary harm while believing they are righteous. Sexuality and kink operate as cultural shadows, exposing fear, shame, and control dynamics we often refuse to confront directly.

Cultivating curiosity instead of certainty around our shadow opens space for intimacy, ethical responsibility, and collective healing.